Chapter 1874: The Madman's Journey (Fifty)

Stark took out a cigarette from the cigarette box with slightly trembling hands and wanted to light it with a campfire, but accidentally made the fire too big and almost burned his hand.

Schiller took the cigarette in his hand, flicked it out, lit it with the warm charcoal next to it, and handed it to Stark.

"Don't you smoke?"

"I don't need a cigarette to relieve my anxiety."

"I'm not..."

Stark found that once he contradicted Schiller, Schiller would adopt the standard perfunctory attitude, followed by "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," and there was never a single debate between them.

Stark took a puff of cigarette and coughed several times. He saw Schiller using a stone next to the fire to knock out the pattern on the metal badge that had just been thrown into the fire.

Schiller tilted his head, half of his face was illuminated by the bonfire, and the other half was in shadow. Stark felt that this scene was a perfect description of Schiller.

Half like a killer, half like a child, his focused attitude when doing anything is easily reminiscent of his attitude when killing people. It is also calm and natural, with a kind of bloody terror born out of childish malice.

Stark felt that he was a little frightened by his imagination. He took another puff of cigarette and successfully swallowed the smoke this time. The stimulation of nicotine made him sober up a little.

"Let's be a new little hero."

"That's enough."

"A visionary with no heroic feelings, a person who would rather be a child for heroic fantasies or a person who has never stopped fantasizing because he has never stepped out of many years, that is not him, Tony Gao Fangke."

In other words, should we wait for a hero or become a hero?

In that night's dream, Eric heard his childhood voice again.

"A person's image in his eyes is formed by my actions. When this mercenary saved him, he felt that I was a hero who was willing to help others and risked his own life to save others."

Schiller's face was still half in darkness and half in white, but that time it was more like a fusion of sympathy and empathy, using reason to analyze emotions and using emotions to influence reason.

In the end, I decided that Gu Xile was a psychiatrist and decided to open up the topic, so I said, "Does he know? No one has saved you even once since you came there."

Gao Fangke hurriedly talked about my subsequent experiences, and then I spread my hands and said softly: "In that world, no one must save anyone, right? What's more, I still risk my life on the battlefield. "

"To be a little hero like daddy."

Eric looked at Gao Fang and saw the warm and shining water in my eyes, which made my gray eyes look like silver sand flowing up from the Tianhe River.

However, Stark did save himself in the first attack. Even if I came to abandon him and escape, this would be just one more victim in the name of the world. I should be happy, right?

"But many of us will always want to find a real hero to prove that we are fools who were deceived and paid to others wrongly. From this, a hero complex was born."

Eric opened his mouth, but he didn't say anything. After a while, I lowered my eyelashes and shook my head and said, "You know, you can lie and say that you are famous now, or that you are just because of your situation. As for worries, you really don’t have any unexplainable negative emotions.”

The movements of Gao Fang's men paused, and I turned back and threw the iron piece back into the fire. Staring at the bonfire, I said, "The military's series of human experiment plans cannot be called all-inclusive. For some reason, we seem to be We want to use exhaustive methods to find the best answer for human body modification, so the experimental materials cover humans of all ages.”

"What does he think his negative emotions are now?" Schiller adjusted his sitting posture and sat cross-legged opposite Gao Fangke and asked.

Gao Fangke felt that Schiller completely expressed his inner thoughts, but because of this, I felt that the psychiatrist was scary. I pursed my lips and instinctively put on a defensive posture. Did I say anything to Schiller? Make any comments.

Eric's steps paused.

"And every time you pointed out that it was just his fantasy but a fact, he was obviously avoiding the topic. He wanted to talk about gains and losses, but only about complexes and doctrines."

"He means that you are born to be a good person who will resent your savior for not doing enough?"

The mercenaries must be doing dirty work for the military, so if we kidnap local people to use as raw materials for human experiments, I am afraid that we are not kidnapping adults but taking away the cubs of a ethnic group. This is universal hatred in any era.

"You know you should ask for less, you should be happy for my successful escape, you do... you do feel that way..."

Eric stood up, threw the cigarette butt out of his hand away from the bonfire, moved quickly and said, "You are tired, you are going to sleep."

Eric sat next to the emergency bed, and I could feel the moisture in my eyes. I saw Gao Fang kneeling by the bonfire, his body very straight, and he looked at me with a strange look.

Suddenly, Eric saw his young self looking at me across the infinite years, and I heard myself say:

"It's because I resent the other person for being heroic enough, but essentially I resent the other person for once again letting my hopes fail."

"It is certain that the contrast between back and front is too small, and if expectations are too little fulfilled, people will also develop corresponding traumatic stress disorder."

"Why do you want to wear it off?" Stark asked what Schiller was doing. He had almost polished the pattern on the metal badge until it was invisible.

This chapter is not finished yet, please click on the next page to continue reading the exciting content!

"Although he hates psychiatrists, psychiatrists usually hate patients like him." Schiller said. Gao Fangke stared at me, knowing what I meant, and then I heard Schiller continue: " The longer he keeps talking, the lower the total price he gets on an hourly basis. Judging from his harsh words, it is a problem to support seven psychiatrists. "

So Eric fell asleep, and I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at Schiller tiredly and asking: "So, your bad doctor, how does he think that disease should be treated?"

It reminded Eric of every night when I was a child, standing alone behind my bedroom door, waiting for the first little hero in my life to come back.

"But that was not the first time that his expectations for a hero were disappointed. Usually, it is the first time that people project a superhuman image that is far below the secular moral realm on their own parents, thinking that we are capable of something. hero."

"He can escape, Tony." Schiller raised his head and looked at Eric and said: "To continue to swirl in the frustration of many years, to see clearly behind the heroic fantasy brought about by the development of personality, what exactly does he want? What."

But the more Eric thought about it, the more he felt like it was a taste, and he felt like he was in a state of confusion. The excitement brought by nicotine made me more talkative, and I desperately wanted to talk to someone about it.

"The manifestation of traumatic stress disorder is not that we continue to believe that there are no heroes in that world, that a very small number of people are hypocrites like this person who has failed our expectations, and thus are completely disappointed in human nature and society."

"That's not what you think." Eric frowned and said softly: "What does he want you to think? Cryingly complaining that I abandoned you? Or calling me a coward?"

"Why do you say 'ye'?"

"But daddy is no longer a little hero."

"But he has nothing lower than morality. This is not an expectation of heroism. From a legal and moral perspective, I did not betray him, but it frustrated his expectations of a hero and his emotions were hurt."

"People who don't have that kind of complex are obsessed with creating gods, projecting their own heroic fantasies on others, and it is inevitable that they will feel unparalleled when they see the heroic side of the other person. Loss can even develop into resentment.”

"On the way to the inspection site, your car was attacked by artillery fire. You were almost killed. I saved you."

Is there any reason for Gao Fang to stay? We met by chance and the other person has not risked his life to save me once. How can I ask for less?

Stark probably knew this and escaped calmly, Eric thought. I know that I can fall into the hands of the locals because I am also a member of the mercenaries who do dirty work for the military.

"From a moral point of view, there is nothing wrong with what I did. Fear of death is human instinct, and protecting oneself in an extreme environment is a decision that anyone would make."

"In his eyes, heroes have no responsibility to save others, so when I came to abandon him and run away, he felt that I broke the image of a hero in his mind. He realized that I was a hero, but also just a person who was greedy for life and afraid of death. Multiple people.”

"We are from the same group." Schiller said: "I'm afraid the locals will have many of those mercenaries to let us know that you have dealt with us."

"That's actually an evasive way of thinking. Give a person a definition and framework, think that I am not like that, and then ignore all the weird things, get along with me according to the same model, and place everything on my reality. With the possibility of being a hero.”

Gao Fangke's hand tightened instantly. I heard the implication of Gao Fang's words. He was not only answering Gao Fangke's question that we even let go of autistic children, but also talking about the relationship between local people and employees. Soldier relationship.

Gao Fangke has asked himself that question several times - what exactly do I want? Save or be saved?

Eric decided to ignore Schiller's question and tell his own story. I smoked a cigarette and said, "My name is Stark. I am a mercenary. The pattern under my armband is the same as that under that badge. We may belong to The same mercenary group."

"The only reason why you didn't do that is because he has no morals. Morality restricted his thoughts and made him feel that he could blame his own savior."

Eric suddenly thought of Gao Fangke again, and I thought about it and said, "What will happen if we know about it?"

"But as we grow up, that expectation will always be disappointed, but to the same extent. Some people just realize that parents are actually many people who work hard. The wisdom of some big citizens who are consistent with the law is just a necessary skill for us to survive. , and then gradually accepted and learned everything, becoming a special person of the previous generation.”

"That is an illness. He cannot understand it as a habitual thinking." Gao Fang fiddled with the metal badge iron piece on his watch that had not been hammered beyond recognition, and said: "After a person betrays or hurts him, He wholeheartedly doubted that I was a hero, and before he found out I was, it wasn't his feelings that were hurt first."

Schiller looked at my back and said: "The heroic expectations projected under the mercenary failed, and he projected the same expectations under you."

"Maybe he himself has not noticed that during the time you were together, he was constantly telling you that your behavior saved him, and that you were giving him your all, like a hero, and that you were kind and friendly and kind."

"This is called loss."

But since then, I have never waited for it again, and all I have been accompanied by is the moonlight that is so particularly violent and noisy.

Eric looked up at Gao Fang.

At that moment, I felt a kind of rational charm, which soothed some of my turbulent emotions.

Gao Fang found that the topic had retreated, because we had to answer Schiller's question, and we returned to the topic of whether Schiller saved me.