Chapter 342

"Poison?" Qiao An felt something was wrong the more he heard it, and asked his grandfather cautiously, "There are so many types of poison, which one are you referring to?"

"The more poisonous the better, it's best... the kind of poison that kills people as soon as they drink it..." old man Tire replied quietly.

The ominous premonition in Qiao An's heart became stronger, and he shook his head pretending to be calm: "Grandpa, I don't know how to prepare such a strong poison. You should rest well and stop thinking about it."

"No, my child, you are lying!" The old man Tire suddenly became agitated and roared hoarsely: "Joan, now only you can help me get rid of this meaningless, pure pain... It's very simple, All you need is a small bottle of poison!"

"No, you can't—" Joan tried to comfort the emotional grandpa, but he interrupted him.

"Yeah, I can't... If I still have enough strength to end my life on my own, why should I ask for help." The old man smiled miserably and shook his head, "Look at me, I've lived a long time, and at the end I'm not even as good as a dog, How sad."

"Grandpa, it's not like that..." Qiao An was so choked up that he couldn't continue speaking. What he is worst at in this life is comforting people, let alone his only relative in this world who needs to be comforted.

"Good boy, don't be sad, it's all my fault, my fault..." Seeing his grandson weeping anxiously, old man Tire couldn't bear it, and murmured sadly, "Joan... Tell me, what is the purpose of life? "

Joan wiped her red and swollen eyes and tried her best to give Grandpa a reasonable answer, even though the question was really difficult.

"Perhaps people live to pursue happiness."

"Very well, people live to pursue happiness, right?"

"Then look at me, look at my current appearance, is there any happiness to speak of!"

"I am very clear that I have already lived to the end. I am not afraid of the disease at all. I only hate that the disease is not severe enough to make me rest as soon as possible. I can only lie on the bed endlessly, enduring boredom and pain, let alone happiness. Even the last bit of human dignity has been taken away!"

A violent cough interrupted the old man's indignant words.

The overwhelmed chest rose and fell sharply, like a bellows about to burst, making a hissing sound of being out of breath.

Just hearing the hard breathing, Qiao An had to admit that grandpa's current situation is really worse than death.

The old man Thiel calmed down and held his grandson's hand. The corners of his wrinkled eyes were slightly moist, and his face was earnest.

"Joan, my child, if you really love me, let me die quickly... Getting rid of the torment of illness is the last happiness in this life for me."

Tears blurred Joan's eyes. Although he fully agreed with his grandfather's decision rationally, he couldn't accept it emotionally, and could only offer weak consolation with pale words.

"Grandpa, you can't think that way, as long as you are alive, there is still hope, and you will definitely get better..."

The old man Tire shook his head with a wry smile, his voice was desolate but revealed a trace of indifference.

"I'm old, my child. It's not just illness that will kill me, but also aging... There may be cures for illnesses, but life is determined by God. No matter how unwilling you are, it's useless."

"My child, one day you will grow old, you will also be sick, and you will be like me for every extra minute you live, and you will suffer an extra minute."

"At that time, you will also be eager to take the initiative to end your life in your own hands, and close your eyes with the last bit of dignity..."

"My child, you can't understand this now because you are too young."

"Joan, when I was as young as you, I dreamed of becoming an unrivaled hero. I even fantasized about my own death countless times, imagining that I died generously for a just cause and died extremely honorably."

"But I'm old, I'm really old, and I no longer expect to die like a hero. In fact, all I beg is not to die too ugly, like a bad dog..."

"Joan, Grandpa only begs you once in this life, and now only you can help me realize this last wish..."

At the end of the old man Tell's speech, he couldn't help choking up, every pleading was full of pain, which made Joan feel distressed and embarrassed.

Thinking about it in his own shoes, if the person lying on the hospital bed at this moment is himself, knowing that there is no hope of recovery, it would be better to take poison to end his own life, so as not to linger on the hospital bed and suffer in vain.

However, when the same thing happened to his only relative, Joan couldn't bear to succumb to rational judgment.

Even if Grandpa's illness can't be cured, and even if he lives an extra minute, he will suffer an extra minute of torture, Qiao An still prefers that he maintain the status quo until his old man dies.

This kind of thinking is indeed in line with human nature, but it is so ruthless when you go deeper.

What good does it do a terminally ill old man to live by forcing him to live a few more days?

In the final analysis, it is just to satisfy my nostalgia for my relatives, and to prove that I have done my filial piety by taking care of my dying grandfather, so as to alleviate my inner guilt and win the reputation of "filial piety" in the eyes of outsiders.

Yes, Joan had to admit that he was unwilling to prepare poison for his grandfather, and forcibly deprived him of the right to end his own life against his will. In fact, it was not for the good of his grandfather, but to satisfy his own vanity in the name of family affection. Do vile and selfish things.

But so what?

It is human nature, and human nature always has a weak side.

Joan always felt that he was strong enough and rational enough, until now he realized that he was just an ordinary person, and his rational will would also succumb to weak emotions.

"I'm sorry, grandpa..." Qiao An replied with a sob, "My heart is very messed up... please give me some more time to think about this matter?"

The old man Tire seemed to feel the pain and struggle his grandson was going through at the moment, with an unbearable look in his eyes, and said weakly:

"No, my child, I should be the one who said I'm sorry... What I asked you to do was too cruel to you, and it's normal if you can't accept it emotionally... Go back and have a good rest."

Joan nodded, straightened Grandma's quilt, turned around and walked out of the hut.

After closing the door, Joan let out a long sigh of relief, feeling as if he had just escaped from purgatory.

The relieved mentality made him suddenly wake up, and he couldn't help but have a sharp question.

If I really cared about my grandfather, why would I want to run away from him?

Does this mean that I actually don't have that deep affection for my grandfather, and is it that I hate that poor old man who has been tortured by aging and illness and is just pretending to be filial?

The more he tortured his soul, the more Joan blamed himself. He looked up at the dark night sky, so depressed that he could hardly breathe.

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